


Hold on to that Feeling

by saramcm



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Also they keep interrupting each other idk, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Mark's a bit of a dick tbh, Warning: Teenagers making out in cars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-22 00:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12469812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saramcm/pseuds/saramcm
Summary: Mark thought his head was going to explode this past week alone. He hadn’t gotten to a concrete conclusion either, which made it all that much more frustrating… Until tonight, when Ethan was leaning against the wall staring at his can of soda, looking bored out of his mind in this “party” that he’d only come to because Mark asked him to. Why had Mark asked him to? Oh, right. He wanted an excuse to be with Ethan outside of school.The conclusion presented itself to him. Fuck it, Mark thought, and that was about it.Or: Mark insists he's not gay. Until he's not insisting anymore.





	Hold on to that Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Writing prompt: (high school au) Ethan has had a crush on Mark for a really long time. He’s told Mark and Mark had insisted that’s he’s straight. One night it’s just Ethan and Mark driving around, and they end up getting food or something and then making out.

“… I’m sorry, Ethan. I don’t, y’know. I’m not—”

That had been where Ethan had interrupted Mark. Fuck, he should have known. Hell, Ethan wasn’t even sure why the fuck he thought he might have a chance with Mark to begin with. Why had he said anything at all?

Well. To be fair, Ethan had been putting together pieces that formed a pretty nice picture. Mark was, undoubtedly, attractive – which in turn, made him fairly popular with the girls in their high school. Yet, Ethan couldn’t remember Mark actually ever dating any of them (and he would know, they’d been close friends for some time). Mark also definitely knew that Ethan was very much into guys, and he also never held back in his playful flirting. Hell, people started noticing how close the two of them were and speculating! Ethan figured that might be a good hint that maybe his crush of months wasn’t one sided as he thought, and that maybe,  _just maybe_ , he had a chance.

There were two important pieces missing from his puzzle: Mark had never shown any interest in a boy before, and Ethan was…  _Ethan_. Plain, old Ethan. Nothing special about him, certainly nothing special enough to catch the attention of someone like Mark. It was a futile endeavor from the very start and Ethan hated himself for ever thinking it was a good idea to awkwardly ask Mark out for a date.

“No, yeah. Sure. That was stupid,” Ethan had said back, looking down at the floor and feeling his heart breaking in his chest. Why did he ever allow himself to hope? He should never do that again.

“We can go see the movie as just… Us, you know?” Mark suggested, feeling a bit like an asshole for it. No, scratch that, he felt  _a lot_  like an asshole for it.

He couldn’t accept it. He wasn’t gay. Ethan was very important to him, he adored the boy, but he was just that – a boy. And Mark wasn’t gay. Maybe he had thought, distantly, vaguely, that maybe if only Ethan was a girl… No, he couldn’t think like that. Ethan clearly wasn’t a girl, Mark clearly wasn’t gay, and they were clearly just friends. Really close friends. And it was because of that friendship that Mark felt his stomach drop painfully when Ethan lifted his eyes again with a heartbroken smile.

“Yeah. Okay. We’ll talk later, then.” And then Ethan left, because he couldn’t bear to stay there any longer.

Maybe it would have been easier to just say no. Maybe it would have been smarter to distance himself from Mark until he was over him – but Ethan was, apparently, a glutton for pain and suffering. They went to the movies that Saturday afternoon and then had some dinner at the food court in the mall, nothing changed. The next couple of weeks Mark was unbearably himself, still making inappropriate jokes as if nothing had happened. Ethan wasn’t sure whether he loved or hated it.

On one hand, Ethan was elated that nothing had changed, for more than one reason. He wasn’t looking forward to rumors about him being rejected if they suddenly fell out (it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together, Ethan figured, with him being openly gay and Mark being… Mark), and he would honestly be miserable if he lost his friendship with Mark over his stupid feelings. On the other hand… It was torture. Mark knew how he felt, yet he continued on with the playful flirting, with the closeness, with everything that gave Ethan a spark of hope before. Dammit, it was driving him insane.

Mark, however… Mark knew he was being a dick, but he couldn’t stop it. It was so selfish, but he couldn’t help it. Ethan had to be one of the people Mark was closest to, and their interactions were 90% playful flirting at this point. Was he just supposed to stop that? Well, yes. Yes, he was. But he had an unhealthy obsession with the way Ethan’s eyes widened a bit and his cheeks grew pink with some comment or innuendo. Which, again, was a dick move, because now Mark knew exactly why Ethan got so flustered by those comments and he still didn’t stop. And he got no shortage of shit for it, their friends calling him out on his idiocy quite frequently, particularly Amy and Kathryn – always the perceptive ones.

And yet, here Mark was, leaning in close in this dumb Halloween party (if it could be called that) while he sang along to the lewd song lyrics in the music playing. Ethan rolled his eyes and sipped on his soda, shoving Mark away and wearing the loveliest blush on his cheeks. “You can’t even play the drunk card,” Ethan pointed out, glancing at Mark’s diet coke and shaking his head. “You’re just being an idiot,” he added smiling and telling Mark to shut up before Mark could start singing again.

It had been just over two weeks since Ethan’s confession – or rather, his awkward “Maybe on Saturday we could go to the movies? Together? Maybe…  _Together_  together?” – and Mark thought about it every damn day. He couldn’t have said yes to that. He’d talked to Amy about it, the blonde seemingly more surprised that Mark had said no than by the fact that Ethan had asked him out. Apparently, it was super fucking obvious Ethan was crushing hard. And apparently, Mark’s actions were those of one who was crushing back just as hard. “Half the school thinks you two are dating,” Amy had pointed out, another tidbit Mark thought about every single day.

Ethan was pretty amazing, Mark thought. He was fun to be around, he was into the same things Mark was into, he had the same sense of humor as Mark – which often led to the two of them starting a nonsensical back and forth that would end up in them giggling uncontrollably. Ethan understood Mark and never judged anything he had to say too harshly, even when he didn’t fully agree. And in those occasions, more often than not, Mark would eventually come to the conclusion Ethan was right all along. They got along great, and Mark had caught himself thinking over and over that maybe, just maybe, if Ethan were a girl…

It was a recurring thought, especially, in the past couple of weeks (which was a problem in itself, and made him even more of a dick). One could attribute it to the jarring reveal that Ethan was interested in him, but truthfully, Mark couldn’t even tell himself that. He’d thought about that before, in random times when Ethan was sitting on his couch, laughing and celebrating and calling Mark a loser after beating him at Mario Kart. It had been just passing thoughts that Mark had pushed back and stomped on because… Well, he just had to. Ethan was a guy and Mark wasn’t attracted to guys, simple as that.

Except, maybe, just maybe, he was attracted to Ethan.  
… Mark was  _definitely_  attracted to Ethan.

Maybe it was a bit more obvious than Mark had hoped, if Amy’s reaction when he told her he had refused a date with the guy was anything to go by. And that was the first hole he dug for himself, because whatever he was feeling was confusing and he didn’t want to bring Ethan into that whole mess to begin with. Whatever random, passing thoughts he used to have before meeting Ethan were just  _that_ : Random, passing. Brief. But then Ethan came along and fucked it all up, because Mark was  _totally not gay_ , but god dammit, sometimes Ethan just looked so kissable.

“Ethan’s a guy,” Mark had said in response to Amy’s surprise. “I’m not gay.”  
Amy had scoffed and told him to rethink his life.

And rethink he did. Mark thought his head was going to explode this past week alone. He hadn’t gotten to a concrete conclusion either, which made it all that much more frustrating… Until tonight, when Ethan was leaning against the wall staring at his can of soda, looking bored out of his mind in this “party” that he’d only come to because Mark asked him to. Why had Mark asked him to? Oh, right. He wanted an excuse to be with Ethan outside of school.

The conclusion presented itself to him.  _Fuck it_ , Mark thought, and that was about it. “Hey, you wanna get out of here?”

Ethan arched a questioning eyebrow at him. “You wanted to come in the first place.”

“Yeah, well… It’s pretty dead.” Of course it was. Everyone was probably at James’s house because the dude always found a way to get alcohol and his dad always had some business trip to attend. Mark had heard way too many rumors about his parties to take Ethan to one of them (lest he got drunk and find some other guy who wasn’t afraid to kiss him when he wanted to – what was the selfish dick tally up to at this point?).

Ethan took a look around and nodded, following Mark to door and waving to the few people scattered around. He sighed once they stepped out into the chilly air, heading towards Mark’s car with hurried steps to escape the cold. “I knew tonight was gonna be a bust when you showed up at my place without a costume.”

“Don’t blame me! It was a last minute decision, I had nothing good on hand.” Mark unlocked his car, grinning as Ethan quickly slipped in. “It’s also not my fault Chris can’t throw a party to save his life.” He started the car, letting Ethan pick the music on the radio as they drove off.

“I don’t care, you’re gonna have to make up for it. It’s still early and I don’t wanna go home.”

“What do you wanna do, then?”

Ethan shrugged. “Dunno.”

Mark hummed, thinking up something for them to do, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and looking out at the beautiful night outside. Most of the kids were done Trick-or-Treating and the streets were mostly empty, people confined inside house parties (if the number of cars parked outside certain houses and the muffled music coming from them was of any indication). It was starting to drizzle as well, which contributed to the emptiness and relative peace on the streets.

“We could just do this. I got a full tank,” Mark suggested.

Ethan turned his attention from the window to Mark, considering him for a moment. “You wanna just… Drive around?”

“Yeah. Unless you come up with something else.”

For a moment, Ethan was completely silent. He really didn’t get Mark sometimes, and right now was definitely one of those times.  _Sure, let’s just drive around under the stars. Just me and my bro. Totally fine. Definitely not questionable._  “Driving around sounds good,” Ethan said meekly despite his thoughts, looking outside once again. Did Mark really not realize it? Or was Ethan just reading that much into it? Probably the latter.

Drive around they did, a sense of comfort settling in now that it was only the two of them. Silence reigned for a while, Mark trying to figure out where to go and Ethan trying to figure out what the hell he was doing with his life that he kept digging himself deeper into this hole. He shouldn’t have come tonight, but then he could never refuse anything Mark asked of him (especially if it entitled spending time with the guy). Eventually Mark took a turn into a slightly deserted area, with less houses, less people, closer to the outskirts of their town and edging into the woods. Random conversation started between them, talking about assignments and classmates, poking innocent fun at their friends and just having a good time. As usual.

“Hey, a drive thru!” Ethan chimed, eventually, pointing at the light up sign in the distance. “Can we get some food? I’m fucking starving.”

“When are you not starving?” Mark teased, rolling his eyes but turning right already. “Okay, food and then we come back here and park the car to eat. I am not eating in the parking lot, that’s too sad.”

“Alright, primadonna,” Ethan conceded with a bright grin. “Just promise me you won’t kill me and dump my body in the woods.”

“ _Please_. Your mom knows you’re with me tonight, if I killed you I wouldn’t be that careless.”

“Should I be worried that you have that all figured out?”

Their banter continued, pausing only while they got their food and resuming as they drove back to the empty road they were at before. Mark wondered what anyone who might see them would assume – a parked car in a poorly lit, empty road, just by the woods, on Halloween… Drunken teenagers getting caught in compromising positions in that same area weren’t unheard of.

“So, are we fucking before or after we eat?” Mark joked, playing into his own thoughts and turning on the light just in time to see Ethan’s cheeks flare red.

“Cold fries are gross, so hold on to that thought,” Ethan replied easily, as always. God, he really needed to climb out of this hole.

“I see where your priorities lie. It’s fine, I’m not hurt or anything.” Mark pouted, mumbling his words, half shrugging and digging into his own paper bag while Ethan chewed on his fries already.

“Your dick’s not getting cold. The fries are.”

 _God dammit._  Mark was reaching, right? Thinking about his dick in Ethan’s mouth was definitely reaching, right? Maybe not, and it wasn’t like he could blame Ethan for it when Mark was the one to start it. But god, was that a vivid image in his mind. Too vivid.

Surprised by the silence, Ethan turned to Mark. A smirk slowly crossed his lips as he smugly leaned back. “Would you look at that? Now you’re blushing. Finally. I’ve made it. I can die happy now.”

“Oh, shut up,” Mark muttered with a chuckle, shaking his head and looking ahead. “It was a charity blush so you’d feel better about yourself.”

“Sure, it was.” Ethan giggled and rolled his eyes, reaching for the radio to change the station and turning to Mark with wide eyes and a grin just as wide when he heard the familiar tune. Mark shook his head, already bracing himself for what was about to come – Ethan’s loud voice singing along to Don’t Stop Believing. Because of course Ethan would be that person. And while Mark liked to act reluctant, of course he ended up joining him. Screaming the lyrics at the top of their lungs, laughing until there were tears in their eyes. Just his car, the radio on, and Ethan – better than any planned night could ever go.

Maybe Mark was staring a little bit too hard. How was he supposed not to? Ethan was settling back down, still chuckling to himself, wiping away happy tears and seemingly trying to catch his breath, his cheeks that same color pink they were when he was embarrassed. He looked happy. Loose. Free. And Mark was obsessed with it. Ethan noticed, apparently, shooting Mark a questioning look as he popped a (cold) fry in his mouth.

“I really wanna kiss you right now,” Mark said bluntly. Ethan thanked his lucky stars he didn’t choke on that damn French fry.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Silence. “You gonna do anything about that, or—”

His sentence was cut short, because in that same second Mark was leaning over and kissing him. Just like that, right on his lips, a touch so light Ethan might have just dreamed it. And he had dreamed about it, an embarrassing number of times, though in none of those times were Mark’s lips just slightly chapped by the cold, nor were they salty from eating French fries. Ethan thought this was so much better. He pressed back, because at this point he had nothing to lose, and felt Mark’s hand on the back of his head in response. Ethan’s mind was spinning, an alarm blaring, the words  _holy shit_  flashing in bright red letters.

“I thought—”

“Yeah, me too.”

And that was it. That was the extent of the explanation of what was happening before they were full on making out, whatever food was still left in the bags forgotten, the music playing serving as nothing more than background noise. God, Mark was a good kisser, and Ethan wondered if he would ever forgive him if this was only a messed up joke. But at least he got to taste the lips he’d been dreaming about, got to feel Mark’s warmth under his hands as they rested on the boy’s thighs, because this was the most awkward making out position ever and Ethan had to hold himself up somehow. And then he thought… Might as well make it count, on the off chance that it was a messed up joke, right?

It wasn’t the most graceful of movements, but his body was nimble enough to carry Ethan over to Mark’s lap with minimal embarrassment. If he hit his head once or twice, well, it was all worth it. Fuck, was it worth it, to straddle Mark’s lap and see him looking up at Ethan like a deer in headlights and with kiss swollen lips. He could look at that forever – or he could go back to kissing Mark with all he had, with all the months of pent up frustration fueling him. And when he felt Mark’s hands firmly gripping his ass and keeping him close, it really was fucking worth it.

A car honking was what brought them back to the present, back to reality. They pulled back, startled, to see a group of those drunk teenagers Mark had thought about before, laughing and giving them a thumbs up. Ethan blinked out the window before hurriedly returning to the passenger seat, his cheeks beet red, his heart thumping. He turned off the light – too little too late – and stared straight into the woods just outside his window. Only when he stopped hearing the strangers in the other car as they drove further away did Ethan feel like he could breathe. Mark seemed to be in the same predicament – and when he finally was able to breathe, he started laughing.

“It’s not funny!” Ethan argued, turning to look at Mark. “What if that was the police or something?”

“We’re both fully clothed and sober,” Mark countered. “They would probably just send us home.”

Ethan huffed and looked out the window again, an effort to hide how giddy he was. Was he supposed to feel giddy anyway? Would he just end up feeling like an idiot soon? He pursed his lips and turned to Mark again, reluctant to ask out of fear of the answer. “—What was that all about, anyway?”

“I said I wanted to kiss you. And then I did. You’re the one who—”

“Why?” No time for jokes. Not now. “Why did you want to kiss me? Two weeks ago you said—”

“I know what I said,” Mark interrupted yet again, and he could see Ethan was getting annoyed by it. He continued. “Look, I wasn’t sure… I mean. I had  _considered_  it, but I didn’t think it was real. See, I had thought about a bunch of what ifs, but they were just that. And then you asked me out and I got all confused. Hell, I was confused before then, but…”

“You’re talking in circles, Mark.”

“I like you,” Mark then blurted out. “I think you’re cute, and hot, and funny, and interesting, and I would very much like to kiss you all the time. I was confused about it before, but it’s the only thing on my mind for the last two weeks. And I don’t wanna ignore it anymore, because those kisses just now were fucking amazing and I don’t wanna let go of that. And also the driving around and acting like idiots, screaming the lyrics to music from the 80s, and tickling you so you’ll shut the fuck up about beating me at Mario Kart. I don’t want to miss out because I’m being a stubborn idiot.”

Silence. Again. To be fair, Ethan had the right to be stunned. “Yeah. You are a stubborn idiot,” He said after a while, a dopey grin on his face while he put on his seatbelt. “It’s still not that late, let’s go play some Mario Kart at mine. Maybe you can find better ways to shut me up when you eat my dust.”

**Author's Note:**

> Do you guys remember me? LMAO  
> I wrote this one this weekend and I wanted to start posting here again. I have a couple of stories on tumblr I haven't gotten around to posting here, but I'll probably do it, eventually. I also still have prompts to work on so that is happening, too. At some point. 
> 
> Comments and kudos feed my creative soul ♥


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